Dear anti-choice men of America: Let's make a deal

One thing that really irritates the eff out of me is the angry, anti-choice American man.

Not just any man. This kind of man:

Unless you're the product of some medical miracle, you don't regret your abortion, buddy. That's because you've never had one, and never will.

I was raised by women in a house of women. I leave the subject of abortion up to them, and I support them if they've accessed this medical procedure, and I support them if they've chosen not too. In fact, my sisters are divided about it.

This kind of decision is not up for me to make.

I'll never be pregnant. They have been.

But some men, like the man above, see it as their job to become the primary custody-holders of a woman's private area.

Life begins at conception, they argue. Someone must stand for the voiceless.  Someone must protect life, no matter how small it seems.

Someone must protect life, no matter how small it seems.

Alright, guys. Then let's make a deal and put your money where your mouth is.

You argue that all living things deserve a chance to live. So if a fertilized egg deserves a chance to live, you would obviously agree that sperm deserve the same. Sperm, after all, is alive. Carbon-based lifeforms created by the Almighty.

I feel you hesitate, Mr. Man. It's alright. This is where the woman comes into play. Much like you've assumed the role of Great Protector of the Vagina, a woman can do the same to a penis.

With proper legislation, women will make sure you don't let your hand wander down to murder your unborn while scrubbing in the tub or looking at pictures of Kate Upton.

Women will make sure to shove the law of the land down your crotch, because even if they don't have penises, they know better than you.

And women will make sure to march into the halls of state legislatures across the nation to make sure that you are subjected to a government-mandated ultrasound if you are caught touching your no-no area. After all, that's life you've just taken.

No matter how small.